“Soccer for New & Experienced Soccer Parents who Know Nothing or Less Than They Realize About Youth Soccer”- Basic Soccer Equipment

Nine years ago, I signed up to Coach Pee-Wee soccer and they actually handed me a team.  Realizing that I had not played soccer in over 8 years (at that point) and that playing soccer and coaching soccer are COMPLETELY different things…I purchased “Soccer Coaching for Dummies”.  Fortunately, I found that I did in fact already know everything in the book (although I have kept the book just in case), it was the first thing I thought of as my niece and I discussed her need to learn soccer.  Her son, my Godson, started Intramural soccer last week and she has never played the game.  I plan to pull the book out this week and take a good luck through it and use it to guide this series of articles we will call “Soccer for New & Experienced Soccer Parents who Know Nothing or Less Than They Realize About Youth Soccer”.  A mouthful, but OH what fun it was to type and imagine how many soccer moms & dads on the sideline of Premier Level games I would like to share this series with…

Today we start by discussing proper equipment for Youth Soccer Players.  I wanted to support my Godson and help out my niece by buying his equipment and found that I have grown into a COMPLETE Soccer Equipment snob.  Although I bitch and moan every season at the money I must spend on 2-3 pairs of cleats per kid, the cost of soccer balls for my team (and kids), and dread the battle with my boys as we buy shin guards, warm ups, and every other item that is being mass marketed as Youth Soccer gains attention in the US, I was excited to buy my Godson his first set of equipment.  As I searched my usual online soccer resources and then stopped in to my “go to” neighborhood soccer store, and finally went to a local National Chain Sports store- I realized that although I know better, the temptation to spend more money than necessary was immense.  **NEW SOCCER PARENTS OF INTRAMURAL PLAYERS- AVOID THE TEMPTATION**  do not spend more than $60 TOTAL on a decent pair of shin guards, a proper size soccer ball, and an inexpensive but sturdy pair of soccer cleats.  If your child loves the sport and has the interest and skill to move to Travel  soccer or higher over the next few years, there will be PLENTY of time to spend money you don’t have on necessary certain quality cleats, uniforms, warm ups etc etc etc.

Intramural players need the following:

Sturdy Shin Guards:  Shin guards should fit the player just above the ankle and cover the child’s shin to below the knee.  Most intramural players are under the age of 12 and although not required, the reality is these players should only be wearing shin guards that are either attached, or come with, ankle guards which will provide a very thin layer of material to cover the ankle.  The shin guard should have an elastic strap to go under the young player’s foot and keep the shin guard in proper place.  The big boys, professional players, and the “style” is currently an ultra-thin and “light” shin guard that has no straps and is very unsafe for kids.  It is not worth putting your young player’s shins at risk.  At such a young age, the likelihood is that many teammates and opponents will be kicking more shins than balls and you want to make sure your little futboler is properly protected.

Proper Size Soccer Ball:  The cost of a soccer ball can range from $8-over $200 and vary in size.  See the following size description: (The “U” before the age indicates “Under” ie- U7 means for players up to the age of 7.  Check with your coach).

Size 1- Reserved for commemorative soccer balls or a “skill ball”, too small to play a game or scrimmage.

Size 2- A mid-size skill ball slightly bigger than Size 1.

Size 3- This is the soccer ball that your Pee Wee and Youth player up to U7 should be using.  The inexpensive balls they sell at the local superstore is just as good as the balls at soccer specific stores and websites.  What you need to make sure is that the ball is an actual soccer ball and is not a foam or plastic ball made to look like a soccer ball.  A proper soccer ball has a little weight and bounce to it, but it should not be “squeezable” or rock hard.

Size 4-  This ball is used for ages U8-U11.

Size 5- This ball is for ages U12 and up.  A Size 5 ball is the size used by adults and professionals also.

It is NOT beneficial for your child to train with a ball that is bigger than recommended for their age as the ball they use in games will be the size required by the league.  As a Coach, I would sometimes use a larger size ball or over-inflated ball for shooting drills for the purpose of strengthening the kicks.  When training a player for skill and technique, the proper size ball for their age should be used.

There is no need for a “futsal” ball in Intramural Soccer.  A futsal ball is heavier and smaller than the average soccer ball and is created to be used specifically during Futsal Soccer games, which is a fast paced version of soccer that is played with smaller teams and on gym floors, usually during the winter months.

Ground Cleats

Soccer Cleats: The cleat your young player needs depends on the

Indoor Cleats

type of field he or she will be playing and practicing on. At this age, a basic rubber soled ground cleat (these are your classic soccer cleat with rubber/plastic studs) is the best choice as they can be used on Grass and turf fields.  Although the urge will be there to spend the $40-$100 on the newest and most stylish cleat, the reality is your young or Intramural player will only be wearing them about 3 times a week and the basic $20-$30 cleat is all they need.  If your club’s fields are turf and the only place your child will play, or if your child is playing at a higher level, you may want to purchase a turf cleat, which have rubber soles and the studs are much smaller.  Indoor cleats have a traditional flat rubber sole that looks like a sneaker and can ONLY be worn on Indoor and gym floors.  The risk with the Indoor cleat is that your child may not get the necessary traction on a turf field.  

Turf Cleats

I remember shopping for my son’s cleats when he was 10 and the Soccer Store owner stopping me from buying one of the more expensive specialized cleats.  He was very honest when he explained that he would love to earn the money on the more expensive sale, but the reality was that my son did not need the more expensive cleat at that time.  The owner, and former soccer player and trainer, explained that if he is not playing 5-7 days a week, he was not in need of whatever benefits the more expensive cleat had to offer.  I give the same advice- if your child continues in soccer she or he will be spending plenty of your money in the coming years and sooner than later you will HAVE to pay $100 or more per pair of cleats and will have to buy ground and turf cleats every season.

There is time for all the extras as your child gets older and decides if she or he wants to continue in soccer.  The important part is to make sure they show up to each practice on time and with their shin guards, socks over shin guards, cleats, and water.  If your club has issued a specific t-shirt or jersey for practices, make sure they wear that also with appropriate shorts or sweatpants.  As a coach, I recommend that a player NOT wear a hoodie style shirt and it is worth buying a $7 store brand Under Armour style shirt for cooler days of practice and play.  

Most importantly, let the coaches and trainers do their job and as a parent you do your job of being supportive and encouraging and making sure soccer is a fun experience for your child and yourself!   While it is important that your child learns to follow the instructions of the coach/trainer and respect them, if the child’s behavior is becoming a distraction to the team, take them quietly to the side until they are ready to follow the coach’s instruction.  This allows the coach to focus on the rest of the team.  But MOST Importantly...Let the kids play, the coaches coach, and have FUN!!  

Next week we will discuss some basic soccer terms and rules.  Even us “seasoned” soccer parents and coaches can use reminders also.

LI Youth Soccer Spring 2014

I can only (once again) beg forgiveness for ignoring you all for so long!  Fall season became winter soccer which became Spring and Cup season.  Alas, I have a few minutes and needed to come by, clear the cobwebs, and see if we have gotten off to a good season!

Yes, the season was delayed due to the snow.  Then many Opening Weekend games were cancelled due to the rain.  Some of us were lucky (?) enough to have games scheduled on turf fields and got to start our season in the pouring rain.  I am just grateful that while I now need to help my calendar accomodat the rescheduling of the 4 games cancelled for my son’s teams, my team got our game played.

Spring is a busy soccer season in Long Island Youth Soccer and I hope everyone is keeping up.  If your child’s youth soccer team is registered in LI Junior Soccer League- they have played their first LI Cup game.  If their team won- CONGRATS!!- you move to the next round and your game is probably scheduled to play the weekend of the 12th/13th.  YES!  THAT weekend- the start (for most) of Spring Break when many parents have scheduled vacations for their young soccer players.  Is this an issue for your team?  I am fortunate that it is not an issue (that I am aware of) for my team, but I am aware it is affecting some teams.  If your team did not win the 1st LI Cup game, condolences and you are done with LI Cup games until next Spring.  The good news is that you can now focus on your league games that should have started this past weekend and if not will begin this weekend.  Due to delaying the start of LI Cup, the first week of LIJ league games has been moved to the weekend after the season was scheduled to end.  Your coaches will have the updated schedules by this time.

If your youth soccer player’s team plays for NY Club Soccer and was in the NY Cup last Fall, your season started last weekend (or if rained out) begins this weekend.  If your team advanced out of the NY Cup last Fall- you have played at least 1 Cup game this Spring.

Intramural training and games start (for most Clubs) this week.  Intramural soccer is the time for your child to get to know the sport and decide if they have the love for soccer to dedicate themselves (and their parents time and money) into the competitiveness of Travel Soccer.  Enjoy the time you and your child have in Long Island Youth Intramural Soccer.

I wish everyone luck this season and in the weeks to come will be discussing the planning of team travel to out of state tournaments (Have you planned your Team Fun Night for Saturday of Memorial Weekend yet? Lasertag, Pizza Night, and Bowling are popular!) and I am also interested in everyone’s thoughts on when it is the right time to have a young athlete decide which 1 sport they want to commit their time to playing.

Just When You Thought It Was Almost Over...Winter Ball!

The weather finally turned this past weekend and we were long sleeves, under armour, hats, and layers of clothing and winter jackets on the sidelines of the Long Island Youth soccer fields this weekend.  While standing on the sidelines huddled shivering on the benches with my subs (one of these weekends we will get the side with the sunlight), it hit me.  3 games left in the Fall 2013 Long Island Youth Soccer season and I have not set up our winter plans yet.  YES- least you forget (or if you are still new enough to soccer to not know) Youth Soccer on Long Island is a year long sport.  We do not get weekends off.  There are no holidays or even sick days.  We go hard, we go often, and we will soon be moving our games indoors to turf or gym floors.  Thanksgiving weekend is no longer about turkey, leftovers, shopping and football...it is now about the better futbol and tournaments and the start of some indoor leagues.  

Parents- Have you ordered your youth soccer player’s indoor or turf cleats?

Coaches- Have you registered for your Winter Indoor or Futsal league? December, MLK,                 and February tournaments?

A few years ago, it was only youth soccer teams in the top divisions and competition levels who took on the expense and commitment of Winter ball, but as the Soccer business has exploded on Long Island and we find Indoor Soccer locations on every other corner (or so it seems), more and more lower level teams are making the commitment and taking on the cost of continuing to train and play in the winter.  Some Clubs are able to offer their teams gym space at local schools, and some teams choose to rent indoor space at area locations.  I have even attended a training for my son at an indoor hockey rink (the ice was turned off- or however that works) and have driven past the outdoor fields on some sunny but cold days and seen some hardcore players training with their hats and gloves (wait oh yeah- that was us also).  But we were NOT alone on the fields!

All jokes aside, if your child loves the sport; if the players on your team are committed and love to play, and if you want to keep the kids busy during the winter, moving soccer indoor is a fun way to keep the kids busy, keep the level of play from declining too much in the off months of winter, and is also a great way to focus on some more small sided training and skills work.

As a coach, I prefer the small fields of the winter indoor season.  Yes, there are full sized indoor fields available to rent or attend leagues at, but I prefer to keep my boys on the small field.  While we have rented indoor space in previous years, my trainer and I made the decision this to give ourselves and the parent’s pockets a break this year.  We will enter our usual small field league from November to March, but we will limit our training to once a week at an area gym.  (PARENTS- NO TURF cleats on gym floors.  NO OUTDOOR cleats on Indoor turf or gym floors. Do we need to discuss different types of cleats and appropriate field usage?  I may address this in the next week or so- it can be confusing.)

Why the small field?  I prefer the small field because it forces the youth soccer player to gain some control on their passes and kicks.  The field is smaller so if they continue to just boot the ball and hope a teammate gets in the way to receive it, they will find all that happens on the small field is that they give more out of bounds turn-overs.  Games on smaller indoor turf fields are also a quicker moving game.  This can benefit foot speed and touches for players.  Games can be more physical and should help players learn to use the body better.  I am not claiming that indoor small field turf play will magically transform your youth soccer player into a perfect first touch having, controlled pass giving, faster moving futballer.  I am saying that the smaller field allows you to give the players an opportunity to focus on some technical skills that get overlooked during the season as you prepare the team for full field play and tactics.

Parents- the benefit for your to the indoor winter youth soccer league is that most locations have heat and concession stands.  If your coach finds a very nice location, you may also find, field seating to comfortably watch the games or training sessions, as well as some places also have television.  (In my house this is BIG especially for those Sunday games when someone I will not name can not understand why soccer is played when there are Football games playing on TV.)  BE WARNED!! While there are heated and comfy locations, there are also locations with almost no seating or viewing areas and it is cold, cold, and cold even inside.  This is NOT to say these locations are not nice or good.  I am not commenting on the conditions of the turf or fields, this is strictly a paragraph dedicated to the comfort of the parent.  As we all have learned over the years on Long Island Youth Soccer- what is most comfortable and convenient for the parent is NOT always what allows the best soccer conditions for training and play.  

As with everything in life and youth soccer, you will have good turf fields and not so good turf fields.  There will be futsal played on good gym floors and not so good gym floors.  Some fields are large sized and some are small.  You may find a location that offers enough room for all teams to warm up and wait for their game and you will find a location where no one fits and it is worse than shopping on Christmas Eve.  The truth is that every team will find what works best for them and their players.  I have yet to find a team, parent, coach, or location that everyone loved or everyone hated.  Every place you go you will find someone who loves the place and someone who hates the place.  Trust me- as a Youth Soccer Coach and parent for almost 9 years (or did I hit 9-years this season?) I have learned (repeatedly) everyone on a team will never be happy or satisfied at the same time.  Every parent and player has a different level of commitment, tolerance, and wants.  

For the parent who has a youth soccer player on a team that is not training or playing this winter, it is ok.  Playing during the winter is NOT a requirement and does not affect the standings for Fall and Spring league play.  If your child’s team is not taking part in activities this winter, but your player wants to continue to train, NY Red Bulls, LI Rough Riders, and most of the local Indoor Soccer facilities offer training and league play for players who are not with their team.  You can email me for locations in your area or check the phone book or internet (yes I said phone book- I like paper.)  My email is coachmommyli@gmail.com

So my question is: Are you ready for the Long Island Youth Soccer Winter 2013-14 Season?  What are your team’s plans?  Where will you really be Thanksgiving weekend and every weekend before and after Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, and Little Christmas?  I know where I plan to be and will spend the next week firming my team’s plans and then waiting to hear from my kid’s Coaches.  Enjoy the last 3 weeks of the season for LIJ and for NPL and NYCSL enjoy the last few games before the December break.  Play well!  Play hard!  Play fair!  Have fun! Stay warm!  As always- please comment below and Like It! Share It! Follow It! (Coachmommyli is on Facebook and Twitter too!)

A Soccer Parent's Post: When Players Misbehave

I recently posted on my personal Facebook account a thought on parenthood.  I basically said that on Saturday I was ready to sell my children, but by Monday they had shown me that they were listening (sometimes) and I decided to keep them around.  For the record- I would NEVER sell my children and I always love them.  I am not always proud of their actions and can find myself embarrassed by their actions.  I have been assured that all parents and their kids go through the same thing, so I am holding you all to that truth.

In my opinion, our first responsibility as parents is to raise our children to be socially responsible young people who know the value of respect, hard work, and have been given a good set of core values.  Anything after that is icing on the cake.  Youth sports (even soccer) are fun activities for the child and family.  As I stated in last week’s post, these young children/young adults, are not robots and no one has complete control over their actions, emotions, or attitudes.  (I KNOW- writing it was as big a shocker for me as it was for you to read!) It can be very difficult, as a parent, to sit on the sidelines and watch our child not perform well on the field.  It can be even more difficult, as a parent, to sit on the sidelines and watch our child not behave on the field.

If you ever sit on the sidelines and put focus on the words and actions of those on the sidelines, it is easy to determine that soccer is a game of passion and emotions can sometimes run high.  A thin line exists in youth soccer between the emotions and support of the parents and spectators being positive for the young soccer players and becoming negative for the young soccer players.  I have sat at youth soccer games and the sidelines were quiet and positively supportive of both teams, and I have sat at youth soccer games where the sidelines were downright vicious, negative, and sometimes scary and violent.  Personally, I have said things or gotten upset on the sidelines and allowed myself to be negatively affected by the game and I am not proud of those moments. I also have (the majority of the time) sat quietly on the sidelines and supported youth players from both teams.  Attending the high number of youth soccer events as I have in the last 8 years, I have seen behaviors from many that is nothing short of shocking.   I have pet peeves that include parents/coaches/players screaming at referees, asking referees to card players (especially for kids 13 years or younger), and parents or coaches directing comments or criticisms directly to young players.  

This is a repetitive discussion regarding soccer parents, coaches, and other spectators.  My intention with this post is that I wanted to discuss the feelings of a parent who sits on the sideline and sees his or her child make a poor choice on the field that includes either poor sportsmanship or giving up on the field.  It is difficult enough to see our child wronged on the field, but I think for myself, it is more difficult for me to see my child make a bad choice on the field.  Both of my children are passionate about soccer and are competitive (can’t imagine where they get that from-insert innocent face), and as difficult as it is for many adults on the sideline to control their intense feelings, it is even more difficult for young kids to always control themselves.  Unfortunately, as a parent, I can often find embarrassment when my children make a poor choice on the soccer field.  The field may be a small stage in life, but it is still a stage that we put our children on every week.  We all hold these young kids to such a high standard and react so quickly when a foul is thrown, words are exchanged, or a young soccer player shows some attitude.  We all seem to forget that they are all still kids, and even the teenagers are young, immature, and full of hormones.  As adults, we seem to hold the youth soccer players on the field to a higher standard than we often hold ourselves, other parents, and even coaches on the sidelines.

I am not saying that we should give our kids a free pass to misbehave on the fields and shrug our shoulders as if to say “kids will be kids”.  In fact, I started writing this post with the intention of complaining about my disrespectful kids on the soccer field.  I am writing and realizing that now that I have come home, had 24-48 hours post-episode, and am writing about youth soccer, I am realizing that I think the larger picture is that we as soccer parents need to do differently.  Let us all collectively take a deep breath, admit some honesty about the fact that none of our kids are perfect, and have a bit more (whole lotta more) patience, understanding, and tolerance on the sidelines. We still need to reprimand our children if they behave in poor sportsmanship, argue with a ref, engage in questionable exchanges of words with opposing players/coaches/parents, refuse to line up for handshakes after the game, or give up during a game out of anger or feelings of defeat.  I also believe that, as parents and coaches of youth soccer players, we need to be more patient and tolerant and recognize that they are all just kids.  Just as my kids have their off days and games, anyone else’s young soccer player can have off days also.  It is not a testimony to poor parenting, coaching, or a “bad” kid, it is a testimony to the age, maturity, and inconsistent behavior and attitudes of anyone under the age of 60….I mean 20.

So let’s all take a deep breath, plug in our headphones, and chant for Zen as we watch the kids play their games of soccer.  If that fails, duct tape and muzzles can always be purchased and brought to the fields.  As always, Read It-Like It-Comment on It-Share It!  Next week will be our review of the tournament son Long Island this past month.  Please email me any thoughts or comments on the tournaments at coachmommyli@gmail.com.

August is almost over and we have just 2 summer weekends left until school and the new fall youth soccer season begins.  I am asking anyone who would like to contribute thoughts or experiences at a Long Island Youth Soccer tournament this past month to email me at coachmommyli@gmail.com.  I would like to complete a review of August 2013 youth soccer tournaments on Long Island and would like it to be more comprehensive than just my opinion.  Please reach out to me as a team manager, coach, or parent and share your thoughts, opinions, and experiences at any and all of the tournaments you attended that were held on Long Island this past month.  It helps other teams in the future determine which tournaments they would like to take part in next year.

Unfortunately, I was not able to write and post my Labor Day tournament preview blog in time for teams to register for the tournaments.  With the exception of a few open spots, both Long Island Labor Day tournaments have closed registration for 2013. I would like to share some information about each tournament for future reference for coaches and for parents who may be attending the tournaments for the first time this year.  I am reaching out to Columbus Weekend Long Island Youth Soccer Tournament Directors this week and hope to have a preview posted by Labor Day weekend so that my preview can be used to help determine which tournaments your team will attend this year.  If you have any experience at a Columbus Weekend tournament or are a Tournament Director, please email me so I can include information.  I am also looking to purchase journal space in tournaments in an effort to spread my website.

For many years, Labor Day weekend was my gift to myself and my team’s parents.  I never registered the team for a Labor Day tournament and figured we deserved a free weekend just before school started to relax and to get our school clothes and supply shopping done.  Then, my son began being invited to guest play for an HBC team and thus began the loss of our 1 soccer free weekend of the summer.  In an effort to appease my soccer parents, I decided to bring my team to HBC Labor Day tournament (since I was there for my son anyway) and this way I had less guilt when I stopped taking my team to a Columbus Weekend tournament so that I could travel out of state with my son and his team each October.  This is to say that my experience with soccer on Labor Day weekend on Long Island has been limited to the “HBC Peter Renzulli Labor Day Tournament”.  This is not to say that I recommend the HBC tournament over the “Oceanside Bob Schrager Memorial LI Cup”.  Both tournaments are held by large Long Island soccer clubs and have been held for 20 years or more.  (2013 is the 20th Annual Oceanside LI Cup and the 36th annual HBC Peter Renzulli tournament).  I am actually very interested in attending the Oceanside tournament, and almost did register my team this year.  Unfortunately, due to scheduling this August, I missed quite a few games of my son’s game due to my team attending a separate tournament and conflicting tournaments attended by my son’s teams.  I informed my trainer that I needed one weekend this summer where both of my sons and my team were all at the same tournament.

When I reached out to Oceanside Soccer Club, they responded quickly and in a positive manner regarding my inquiry about the tournament in order to write a blog.  (This is the number one reason I am following through with this pre-view: my guilt at not getting it written sooner after they were so supportive.)  Oceanside is hosting a 2 day Labor Day weekend youth soccer tournament this year that will benefit the club’s scholarship fund for its players.  This year, they are promising that every team will play their 3 guaranteed 50 minutes games in one day.  By having all games for each team on one day, it allows us parents to still have 2 days of the holiday weekend to relax and prepare for school opening.  Any other weekend of the year and I would say that I want the full weekend experience, but Labor Day weekend is that weekend each year we need to prepare for school and celebrate the end of our summer.  This tournament offers awards to the 1st and 2nd placed teams in each age group bracket and offers a 3-ref system for all games U12-U17.  There are multiple game sites, but many of the sites will have food vendors, including a deli catered offering at the fields for the U11 games.

HBC Soccer Club is offering a guaranteed 4 50 minutes games over two days this Labor Day weekend.  All games are played on fields along the Nassau/Suffolk border and many have vendors on site.  This tournament also offers 1st and 2nd place awards for each age bracket.  Historically, the fields holding the same age group are within a 5 minute drive of each other, and the tournament seems to do a decent job of keeping brackets on the same field site each day, even if the sites differ from Saturday to Sunday.  We have played on fields where there were food and soccer equipment vendors, and we have played on fields where there are no vendors.

Although I have only ever attended the HBC Labor Day weekend tournament, I believe it is safe to assume that both tournaments are equally well organized and run professionally.  Both HBC and Oceanside Youth Soccer Clubs have been running these tournaments for years, are well experienced, and they are both GotSoccer tournaments with GotSoccer points awarded for U12 and older.  I have never heard of a specific complaint regarding either tournament.  (Keeping in mind that every coach, player, and parent is never going to be completely happy with any tournament they take part in.)  I look forward to attending HBC and having every game I have to attend that weekend take part at fields that are within a 10 minute drive of each other, but I also hope that I receive feedback from some coaches and parents attending the Oceanside tournament as I am very interested in the experience.

Once again, I apologize that I was not able to get this post out prior to registration for the tournaments.  I plan to have a post in the next 2 weeks to preview your options for Youth Soccer Tournaments on Long Island for Columbus Weekend.  Please email me at coachmommyli@gmail.com any opinions and experiences that I can use to review this past month of soccer tournaments on Long Island.  As always, please comment below and Read it-Like It-Share It-Subscribe to It!!

Responsibility of the Player

As parents of youth soccer players, we need to take a good look at ourselves and do some self-evaluation.  After we complete our self-evaluation,  we need to then have a discussion with our youth soccer player and allow them to answer openly and honestly.  The reality of youth soccer is that sometimes the blame, yes I said blame, must lie with the players.  Listen quietly at the sidelines of most youth soccer games and you will hear a plethora of excuses and false blame for poor soccer.  Often in the cross sights are the coach, trainer, club, certain players, parents of the other team, tournament directors, hotel staff, free continental breakfast lack of Wheaties, and Aroid.  Yes, go ahead, take a moment and go back and reread the last sentence.  Isn’t everything Aroids fault? Or is it the fault of his PR people?  I digress, the first 4 or 5 of the list were legitimate and the most usual suspects taking blame on the sidelines of most youth soccer games.  (Although, honestly, everything is always Aroid’s fault.)

The truth is that we are doing our children a disservice by constantly finding someone else to blame.  Youth soccer players are not robots (oh how that would make my job as a soccer coach so much easier) and as such they have wills of their own with moods and the ability to have good games and bad games.  They can and should be held accountable for their personal role in their play on the field.  I said it last week and I will say it again, a coach and trainer (unless abusive or unreliable) should not be judged on a tournament, game, or even a season.  Soccer is a year round sport, with a minimum of team commitment through Fall and Spring season, and it can take those seasons of time and experience to start seeing a change in players.  In addition, a coach/trainer’s ability should not be judged on wins and losses.  A parent needs to evaluate the play of the individual player and team and determine if they are improving.  Sometimes, a team will improve and then gain or lose players or change their level of competition.  All of this will change the team’s ability to win and lose games, but the reality is that they may be improving exponentially as players and as a team.  It takes a knowledge of soccer and some realistic and fair reasoning to determine if your coach/trainer is effective regardless of if your child’s team is losing or winning games.  

TRUTH SPOKEN HERE-------) Regardless of how much a coach yells or screams on the sideline (or doesn’t), the lineup he puts on the field, or the time and location of our games: our girls and boys CHOSE to PLAY or NOT PLAY each weekend.   When this occurs there actually becomes nothing a coach can do to change the outcome on the field or motivate these players.  I speak this with the experience of  having seen his with my own team last weekend and having witnessed it with many other youth soccer teams throughout the years, and we will add in my years of experience of caring for kids both at home and professionally.  Youth soccer and youth soccer players lack consistency.

(Here comes the lecture- allow me to get on my soapbox.  Ahem...)  You may be rolling your eyes and wondering what the point of practices, trainings, tournaments, etc etc etc, is if I am just going to tell you it all comes down to the inconsistent behavior of our kids.  

First off:  If we do not have our young soccer players join organized sports and possibly play at a competitive level, then they will not gain knowledge of team play and the corresponding social skills.  In addition, they will not learn the soccer skill and knowledge of the game of soccer that they will need to exceed on the field when they are mentally committed to the game and playing in a manner consistent with the soccer they have been taught.

Second off:  As long as our players are properly placed in a league that allows them the appropriate level of competition to their level and they have that outlet to fail and succeed with wins and loses appropriate to their skill level, they can only benefit from failure at other venues.  In other words, repeatedly registering a D4 team in D1 will only destroy the team’s morale and have a negative impact.  Allowing them to play a season in a higher division or attend tournaments with more competitive teams is not destroying their morale, it is giving them an opportunity to be exposed to a higher level of soccer that can help them improve their game.  

Third off:  Repeatedly taking a highly skilled team to competitive tournaments where they repeatedly lose is appropriate when they are losing because of their mentality and NOT because they lack the skill to win games at the tournament. In other words, just because a team repeatedly loses at games or tournaments does not mean that they are playing at a level that is too competitive.  Teams that are playing teams that are at a comparable skill and competition level as them, but the team continues to not play well and loses at these tournaments or games must make a group decision.  Either the coach, parents, and players will decide that they prefer the trophy and bragging rights that playing at a lower level will bring or they will decide that they will take the experience that comes with the losses, put the players on notice, and continue to work hard and attend the tough competition events until the players realize they need to play the way they were taught regardless of if the win will be easy or one they need to work to win.  (Oh yes- it is fire and it is honest and it is not meant for every soccer girl or boy.  I am referring specifically to the soccer player and team that is a little older and has dedicated themselves to a competitive level of soccer that has taken some years of training and commitment.  This is for the soccer player that has soccer dreams- whether it's to be the best they can be, to play Varsity soccer, College level soccer, MLS, World Cup, or for Barcelona.  The reality of the dream does not matter, it is the existence of the dream that matters.)

What does this all mean?  To me, it means us soccer parents need to let the process work.  Our kids may have soccer dreams and we will not destroy their dreams with reality, but to us we must realize that the reality is that while our kids are playing towards their soccer dreams, we are hoping they are realizing our parent dreams of them having fun while learning about hard work, the benefits of commitment, loyalty, teamwork, respecting authority, sore winning, sore losing, good winning, and good losing.  All skills that help them on the soccer field will benefit them in being successful later in life, as long as we let them learn the lessons and not make excuses or try to soften the disappointment for them.

As always, please comment below.  Share your thoughts, agreements, disagreements, and experiences.  Read it-Like it-Subscribe to it-Share it!

A Coach's Rant: When a Loss is a Win and a Win is a Loss

Last Sunday I quit soccer.  I was hot, exhausted, frustrated, and informed my soccer partner in crime that I quit and would stay the season so not to leave the boys hanging.  Interestingly enough, I was not the only coach I saw on the field that day having a similar moment.  Within 15 minutes of my decision to hang up my coaching hat, I saw another coach throw a yelling and cursing temper tantrum and yet another one have a similar meltdown.  Yet, at the end of the day, we all remained on the sidelines with our teams and finished out the tournament.  I will even dare to assume that we will all show up at practice this week (although I can not tell a lie- today’s rain was a HUGE relief and by noon I was cancelling today’s practice.)  The point of this coaching confessional is to maybe bring some light to the stresses of the Youth Soccer Coach and to remind ourselves (especially the parents who may have never experienced what a coach experiences).  We are human and the long and hot days of summer tournaments are just as long and hot for us.  

As coaches, we are standing on the firing line and working as we coach the young soccer players and hope that they are able to take the lessons we have tried to teach at practices and put them into play on the field, when it matters.  As coaches, we are sheep herding between 12-18 young kids, dealing with referees, other coaches, scheduling and field issues AND very often having to do so without full support of the parents on the sidelines.  Be honest, as parents, our instinct is to immediately blame the coach for any list of things on game and/or tournament day. These complaints may include: lack of parking, poor scheduling, games are too early (or late), too close together or too far apart, it is too hot (substitute cold, rainy, windy etc), the competition is too hard (or easy), the fields not well maintained, food too expensive, the team is not playing well, and the referees do not know the game. Unfortunately, the magic ball I was given 8 years ago when I first volunteered as a Long Island Youth Soccer Coach never worked after the first game and I am still waiting for my replacement.  I have heard there is a 6 million year backorder at the “Magic  Soccer Ball” company that is used by all Long Island Youth soccer coaches, so until the backorder is filled, we rely on research, word of mouth, hard work, and blind luck or bad luck when choosing which tournaments to take our teams to attend.  Sometimes we get the tournament right AND our young soccer players perform well and the parents are happy, and sometimes we are struck by lightening while the tournament sucks and the kids play like we do nothing but play video games at practice.  

My son’s coach has an EXCELLENT rule, and I have tried and failed (my own fault) at implementing it with my team.  The rule is that the Coach will not discuss games or tournaments with ANYONE until 48 hours AFTER a game.  The time delay allows everyone time to refuel after the game and allows everyone time to cool any emotions and rethink any arguments, complaints, or emotional suggestions they may have.  It is not that Coaches are bad people or that parents are evil, and it is not that every team is dysfunctional.  The truth is that youth soccer is, right or wrong, emotional.  Not only is the process physical and exhausting for coaches and soccer players, but the parents also give a lot to get themselves, their player, and the rest of the family, where they need to be at the soccer fields.  In addition, most people are passionate about sports and their kids and youth soccer on Long Island combines both.  There is also a new emotion that is growing among some coaches as the climate of youth soccer on Long Island changes.  Long Island Youth Soccer has been moving away from volunteer coaches and towards paid coaches and trainers who dedicate their time and experience to the kids, but they are financially compensated for what they do.  There still exists the Volunteer Coach who does the same thing (and often more as they will also do Team Manager duties) as the Paid Coach, but the Volunteer Coach is only compensated with the happiness and gratitude of the soccer players and their parents.  So on these long and hot weekends when NO ONE is happy, volunteer coaches have very little to take away at the end of the weekend.  In fact, most will leave the fields feeling the added pressure of unhappy parents.  The epitome of “Thankless job”.

Personally, I believe that we all need to take a step back and breathe on any given day at the soccer fields.  In addition, I think that we need to view soccer and our kids as an experience of youth and not place such value on individual games, tournaments, or even seasons.  Sometimes it takes a year or more to get a team to a better place.  The key is to determine if the team is making improvements and what is the behavior and vision of the coaches.  Cut the coaches a break and just go along for the ride and if something repeatedly occurs that concerns you, then approach them on a non-game day and discuss your concerns.  Also, keep an open mind, a loss can be a win for a team just as a win can be a loss for a team.  The final score and trophy is not alway the same story,

Now, I know, I have admitted to quitting and “losing” it this weekend and now I am saying that a loss can be a win and a win can be a loss.  You must be thinking this chick is nuts!  Before you call the padded wagon and unsubscribe, let me explain.  

This past weekend, I agreed to let my team play a year up in a weaker division.  It did not appear that we fit well with the other teams in our age and would not benefit by beating up on lower division teams our age or by being beat up by the more skilled teams in our age group.  I rationalized that as many of our boys would be trying out for school ball in the next few weeks with kids in the older age group, we could actually benefit from the play time against the older teams.  Long story short, it backfired for the first 3 teams and we played HORRIBLY.  My boys were intimidated and did not perform to their personal ability.  It was to the point that I had a player leave prior to the last game and I heard whispers of forfeit for the last game.  Then it happened, what I hoped would happen.  Our last game started physical and our boys woke up.  We still lost, but they had more energy and showed more ability in that last game than they had in the prior 3 games combined.  At halftime of that last game, I asked my boys if they played soccer because they loved the game or for a trophy.  They all energetically answered that they played for the love and were anxious to get back on the field.  I believe that my boys learned a valuable life lesson this past weekend.  Although they gave up the first 3 games, by the 4th game they learned why we never give up and that the size of the other team did not have to matter.  In addition they learned to find enjoyment in playing even if they are not winning.  Would I purposely put my boys in that situation?  No.  Will I do everything to keep it from happening again? Yes.  BUT, my boys learned that not every game or tournament will be perfect, but we must still work as a team and find the fun in the game and “leave it all on the field”.  This weekend gave us a lesson in when a loss is truly a win.

On the flip side, my son’s team was dominating their bracket and winning BIG all day Saturday.  They had 1st place in a lock and played great soccer.  Then Sunday came and it all changed.  The team appeared to have no ability to put the ball in any net, almost every player was playing flat, and in the last game they began to panic and stopped playing good soccer and were not playing as a team. Thus making the hurt worse as the opposition (a younger and weaker team) took advantage.  (Yes, I sat watching on the sidelines thinking if only the parents of my team could see the younger team who had lost every game not only beat, but embarrass the team that had been in first place.)  The irony is that my son’s team was not the only team that fell apart that day and they won 2nd Place and saw the other top contender fall to 3rd as a team that did not win on Saturday took 1st Place as Tournament Champions.  In my opinion, one of the ugliest bracket wins with 3 of 4 teams having 6 points and the placement determined by “Head to Head” competition results.  The last place team lost with 3 points, and I don’t think any of the top 3 teams should be happy with their overall play for the weekend.  In all fairness, it was one of the first major tournaments in the area since last June, and we can all expect rust and the some summer time lazy.  All in all, as my son and his friends celebrated their 2nd place win, I couldn’t help but cringe as I thought about the fact that they were over celebrating bad soccer and the luck of the draw.  To me, it was a situation where a win was a loss.  The team may have won the right to say they took 2nd Place and another trophy, but they did not learn anything about good soccer that weekend and in fact were rewarded for poor play.

In my mind, this is probably my most controversial post to date and I have a voice in my head suggesting that I take another day or so to recover from the weekend before posting it.  The truth is that even if I take a day and convince myself it is a bit much to post, the truth of what I have written will not change, in my opinion.  I urge anyone who agrees or disagrees or thinks I have gone round that bend- please comment and let us get a conversation started.  I think there are many times that Coaches need to be checked, but I also think that many times parents need to take an extra moment also.  I have been on both sides of the fence and have been both right in my actions as a coach and a parent, but I have also been wrong as a coach and wrong as a parent.  I try very much to not let the opinions of unhappy parents upset me and I try very hard to not comment as a parent, but sometimes my being a human gets in the way.  Please as always- Comment-Like It-Share It-Subscribe to it!