As coaches, we are standing on the firing line and working as we coach the young soccer players and hope that they are able to take the lessons we have tried to teach at practices and put them into play on the field, when it matters. As coaches, we are sheep herding between 12-18 young kids, dealing with referees, other coaches, scheduling and field issues AND very often having to do so without full support of the parents on the sidelines. Be honest, as parents, our instinct is to immediately blame the coach for any list of things on game and/or tournament day. These complaints may include: lack of parking, poor scheduling, games are too early (or late), too close together or too far apart, it is too hot (substitute cold, rainy, windy etc), the competition is too hard (or easy), the fields not well maintained, food too expensive, the team is not playing well, and the referees do not know the game. Unfortunately, the magic ball I was given 8 years ago when I first volunteered as a Long Island Youth Soccer Coach never worked after the first game and I am still waiting for my replacement. I have heard there is a 6 million year backorder at the “Magic Soccer Ball” company that is used by all Long Island Youth soccer coaches, so until the backorder is filled, we rely on research, word of mouth, hard work, and blind luck or bad luck when choosing which tournaments to take our teams to attend. Sometimes we get the tournament right AND our young soccer players perform well and the parents are happy, and sometimes we are struck by lightening while the tournament sucks and the kids play like we do nothing but play video games at practice.
My son’s coach has an EXCELLENT rule, and I have tried and failed (my own fault) at implementing it with my team. The rule is that the Coach will not discuss games or tournaments with ANYONE until 48 hours AFTER a game. The time delay allows everyone time to refuel after the game and allows everyone time to cool any emotions and rethink any arguments, complaints, or emotional suggestions they may have. It is not that Coaches are bad people or that parents are evil, and it is not that every team is dysfunctional. The truth is that youth soccer is, right or wrong, emotional. Not only is the process physical and exhausting for coaches and soccer players, but the parents also give a lot to get themselves, their player, and the rest of the family, where they need to be at the soccer fields. In addition, most people are passionate about sports and their kids and youth soccer on Long Island combines both. There is also a new emotion that is growing among some coaches as the climate of youth soccer on Long Island changes. Long Island Youth Soccer has been moving away from volunteer coaches and towards paid coaches and trainers who dedicate their time and experience to the kids, but they are financially compensated for what they do. There still exists the Volunteer Coach who does the same thing (and often more as they will also do Team Manager duties) as the Paid Coach, but the Volunteer Coach is only compensated with the happiness and gratitude of the soccer players and their parents. So on these long and hot weekends when NO ONE is happy, volunteer coaches have very little to take away at the end of the weekend. In fact, most will leave the fields feeling the added pressure of unhappy parents. The epitome of “Thankless job”.
Personally, I believe that we all need to take a step back and breathe on any given day at the soccer fields. In addition, I think that we need to view soccer and our kids as an experience of youth and not place such value on individual games, tournaments, or even seasons. Sometimes it takes a year or more to get a team to a better place. The key is to determine if the team is making improvements and what is the behavior and vision of the coaches. Cut the coaches a break and just go along for the ride and if something repeatedly occurs that concerns you, then approach them on a non-game day and discuss your concerns. Also, keep an open mind, a loss can be a win for a team just as a win can be a loss for a team. The final score and trophy is not alway the same story,
Now, I know, I have admitted to quitting and “losing” it this weekend and now I am saying that a loss can be a win and a win can be a loss. You must be thinking this chick is nuts! Before you call the padded wagon and unsubscribe, let me explain.
This past weekend, I agreed to let my team play a year up in a weaker division. It did not appear that we fit well with the other teams in our age and would not benefit by beating up on lower division teams our age or by being beat up by the more skilled teams in our age group. I rationalized that as many of our boys would be trying out for school ball in the next few weeks with kids in the older age group, we could actually benefit from the play time against the older teams. Long story short, it backfired for the first 3 teams and we played HORRIBLY. My boys were intimidated and did not perform to their personal ability. It was to the point that I had a player leave prior to the last game and I heard whispers of forfeit for the last game. Then it happened, what I hoped would happen. Our last game started physical and our boys woke up. We still lost, but they had more energy and showed more ability in that last game than they had in the prior 3 games combined. At halftime of that last game, I asked my boys if they played soccer because they loved the game or for a trophy. They all energetically answered that they played for the love and were anxious to get back on the field. I believe that my boys learned a valuable life lesson this past weekend. Although they gave up the first 3 games, by the 4th game they learned why we never give up and that the size of the other team did not have to matter. In addition they learned to find enjoyment in playing even if they are not winning. Would I purposely put my boys in that situation? No. Will I do everything to keep it from happening again? Yes. BUT, my boys learned that not every game or tournament will be perfect, but we must still work as a team and find the fun in the game and “leave it all on the field”. This weekend gave us a lesson in when a loss is truly a win.
On the flip side, my son’s team was dominating their bracket and winning BIG all day Saturday. They had 1st place in a lock and played great soccer. Then Sunday came and it all changed. The team appeared to have no ability to put the ball in any net, almost every player was playing flat, and in the last game they began to panic and stopped playing good soccer and were not playing as a team. Thus making the hurt worse as the opposition (a younger and weaker team) took advantage. (Yes, I sat watching on the sidelines thinking if only the parents of my team could see the younger team who had lost every game not only beat, but embarrass the team that had been in first place.) The irony is that my son’s team was not the only team that fell apart that day and they won 2nd Place and saw the other top contender fall to 3rd as a team that did not win on Saturday took 1st Place as Tournament Champions. In my opinion, one of the ugliest bracket wins with 3 of 4 teams having 6 points and the placement determined by “Head to Head” competition results. The last place team lost with 3 points, and I don’t think any of the top 3 teams should be happy with their overall play for the weekend. In all fairness, it was one of the first major tournaments in the area since last June, and we can all expect rust and the some summer time lazy. All in all, as my son and his friends celebrated their 2nd place win, I couldn’t help but cringe as I thought about the fact that they were over celebrating bad soccer and the luck of the draw. To me, it was a situation where a win was a loss. The team may have won the right to say they took 2nd Place and another trophy, but they did not learn anything about good soccer that weekend and in fact were rewarded for poor play.
In my mind, this is probably my most controversial post to date and I have a voice in my head suggesting that I take another day or so to recover from the weekend before posting it. The truth is that even if I take a day and convince myself it is a bit much to post, the truth of what I have written will not change, in my opinion. I urge anyone who agrees or disagrees or thinks I have gone round that bend- please comment and let us get a conversation started. I think there are many times that Coaches need to be checked, but I also think that many times parents need to take an extra moment also. I have been on both sides of the fence and have been both right in my actions as a coach and a parent, but I have also been wrong as a coach and wrong as a parent. I try very much to not let the opinions of unhappy parents upset me and I try very hard to not comment as a parent, but sometimes my being a human gets in the way. Please as always- Comment-Like It-Share It-Subscribe to it!
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