A Soccer Parent's Post: When Players Misbehave

I recently posted on my personal Facebook account a thought on parenthood.  I basically said that on Saturday I was ready to sell my children, but by Monday they had shown me that they were listening (sometimes) and I decided to keep them around.  For the record- I would NEVER sell my children and I always love them.  I am not always proud of their actions and can find myself embarrassed by their actions.  I have been assured that all parents and their kids go through the same thing, so I am holding you all to that truth.

In my opinion, our first responsibility as parents is to raise our children to be socially responsible young people who know the value of respect, hard work, and have been given a good set of core values.  Anything after that is icing on the cake.  Youth sports (even soccer) are fun activities for the child and family.  As I stated in last week’s post, these young children/young adults, are not robots and no one has complete control over their actions, emotions, or attitudes.  (I KNOW- writing it was as big a shocker for me as it was for you to read!) It can be very difficult, as a parent, to sit on the sidelines and watch our child not perform well on the field.  It can be even more difficult, as a parent, to sit on the sidelines and watch our child not behave on the field.

If you ever sit on the sidelines and put focus on the words and actions of those on the sidelines, it is easy to determine that soccer is a game of passion and emotions can sometimes run high.  A thin line exists in youth soccer between the emotions and support of the parents and spectators being positive for the young soccer players and becoming negative for the young soccer players.  I have sat at youth soccer games and the sidelines were quiet and positively supportive of both teams, and I have sat at youth soccer games where the sidelines were downright vicious, negative, and sometimes scary and violent.  Personally, I have said things or gotten upset on the sidelines and allowed myself to be negatively affected by the game and I am not proud of those moments. I also have (the majority of the time) sat quietly on the sidelines and supported youth players from both teams.  Attending the high number of youth soccer events as I have in the last 8 years, I have seen behaviors from many that is nothing short of shocking.   I have pet peeves that include parents/coaches/players screaming at referees, asking referees to card players (especially for kids 13 years or younger), and parents or coaches directing comments or criticisms directly to young players.  

This is a repetitive discussion regarding soccer parents, coaches, and other spectators.  My intention with this post is that I wanted to discuss the feelings of a parent who sits on the sideline and sees his or her child make a poor choice on the field that includes either poor sportsmanship or giving up on the field.  It is difficult enough to see our child wronged on the field, but I think for myself, it is more difficult for me to see my child make a bad choice on the field.  Both of my children are passionate about soccer and are competitive (can’t imagine where they get that from-insert innocent face), and as difficult as it is for many adults on the sideline to control their intense feelings, it is even more difficult for young kids to always control themselves.  Unfortunately, as a parent, I can often find embarrassment when my children make a poor choice on the soccer field.  The field may be a small stage in life, but it is still a stage that we put our children on every week.  We all hold these young kids to such a high standard and react so quickly when a foul is thrown, words are exchanged, or a young soccer player shows some attitude.  We all seem to forget that they are all still kids, and even the teenagers are young, immature, and full of hormones.  As adults, we seem to hold the youth soccer players on the field to a higher standard than we often hold ourselves, other parents, and even coaches on the sidelines.

I am not saying that we should give our kids a free pass to misbehave on the fields and shrug our shoulders as if to say “kids will be kids”.  In fact, I started writing this post with the intention of complaining about my disrespectful kids on the soccer field.  I am writing and realizing that now that I have come home, had 24-48 hours post-episode, and am writing about youth soccer, I am realizing that I think the larger picture is that we as soccer parents need to do differently.  Let us all collectively take a deep breath, admit some honesty about the fact that none of our kids are perfect, and have a bit more (whole lotta more) patience, understanding, and tolerance on the sidelines. We still need to reprimand our children if they behave in poor sportsmanship, argue with a ref, engage in questionable exchanges of words with opposing players/coaches/parents, refuse to line up for handshakes after the game, or give up during a game out of anger or feelings of defeat.  I also believe that, as parents and coaches of youth soccer players, we need to be more patient and tolerant and recognize that they are all just kids.  Just as my kids have their off days and games, anyone else’s young soccer player can have off days also.  It is not a testimony to poor parenting, coaching, or a “bad” kid, it is a testimony to the age, maturity, and inconsistent behavior and attitudes of anyone under the age of 60….I mean 20.

So let’s all take a deep breath, plug in our headphones, and chant for Zen as we watch the kids play their games of soccer.  If that fails, duct tape and muzzles can always be purchased and brought to the fields.  As always, Read It-Like It-Comment on It-Share It!  Next week will be our review of the tournament son Long Island this past month.  Please email me any thoughts or comments on the tournaments at coachmommyli@gmail.com.

August is almost over and we have just 2 summer weekends left until school and the new fall youth soccer season begins.  I am asking anyone who would like to contribute thoughts or experiences at a Long Island Youth Soccer tournament this past month to email me at coachmommyli@gmail.com.  I would like to complete a review of August 2013 youth soccer tournaments on Long Island and would like it to be more comprehensive than just my opinion.  Please reach out to me as a team manager, coach, or parent and share your thoughts, opinions, and experiences at any and all of the tournaments you attended that were held on Long Island this past month.  It helps other teams in the future determine which tournaments they would like to take part in next year.

Unfortunately, I was not able to write and post my Labor Day tournament preview blog in time for teams to register for the tournaments.  With the exception of a few open spots, both Long Island Labor Day tournaments have closed registration for 2013. I would like to share some information about each tournament for future reference for coaches and for parents who may be attending the tournaments for the first time this year.  I am reaching out to Columbus Weekend Long Island Youth Soccer Tournament Directors this week and hope to have a preview posted by Labor Day weekend so that my preview can be used to help determine which tournaments your team will attend this year.  If you have any experience at a Columbus Weekend tournament or are a Tournament Director, please email me so I can include information.  I am also looking to purchase journal space in tournaments in an effort to spread my website.

For many years, Labor Day weekend was my gift to myself and my team’s parents.  I never registered the team for a Labor Day tournament and figured we deserved a free weekend just before school started to relax and to get our school clothes and supply shopping done.  Then, my son began being invited to guest play for an HBC team and thus began the loss of our 1 soccer free weekend of the summer.  In an effort to appease my soccer parents, I decided to bring my team to HBC Labor Day tournament (since I was there for my son anyway) and this way I had less guilt when I stopped taking my team to a Columbus Weekend tournament so that I could travel out of state with my son and his team each October.  This is to say that my experience with soccer on Labor Day weekend on Long Island has been limited to the “HBC Peter Renzulli Labor Day Tournament”.  This is not to say that I recommend the HBC tournament over the “Oceanside Bob Schrager Memorial LI Cup”.  Both tournaments are held by large Long Island soccer clubs and have been held for 20 years or more.  (2013 is the 20th Annual Oceanside LI Cup and the 36th annual HBC Peter Renzulli tournament).  I am actually very interested in attending the Oceanside tournament, and almost did register my team this year.  Unfortunately, due to scheduling this August, I missed quite a few games of my son’s game due to my team attending a separate tournament and conflicting tournaments attended by my son’s teams.  I informed my trainer that I needed one weekend this summer where both of my sons and my team were all at the same tournament.

When I reached out to Oceanside Soccer Club, they responded quickly and in a positive manner regarding my inquiry about the tournament in order to write a blog.  (This is the number one reason I am following through with this pre-view: my guilt at not getting it written sooner after they were so supportive.)  Oceanside is hosting a 2 day Labor Day weekend youth soccer tournament this year that will benefit the club’s scholarship fund for its players.  This year, they are promising that every team will play their 3 guaranteed 50 minutes games in one day.  By having all games for each team on one day, it allows us parents to still have 2 days of the holiday weekend to relax and prepare for school opening.  Any other weekend of the year and I would say that I want the full weekend experience, but Labor Day weekend is that weekend each year we need to prepare for school and celebrate the end of our summer.  This tournament offers awards to the 1st and 2nd placed teams in each age group bracket and offers a 3-ref system for all games U12-U17.  There are multiple game sites, but many of the sites will have food vendors, including a deli catered offering at the fields for the U11 games.

HBC Soccer Club is offering a guaranteed 4 50 minutes games over two days this Labor Day weekend.  All games are played on fields along the Nassau/Suffolk border and many have vendors on site.  This tournament also offers 1st and 2nd place awards for each age bracket.  Historically, the fields holding the same age group are within a 5 minute drive of each other, and the tournament seems to do a decent job of keeping brackets on the same field site each day, even if the sites differ from Saturday to Sunday.  We have played on fields where there were food and soccer equipment vendors, and we have played on fields where there are no vendors.

Although I have only ever attended the HBC Labor Day weekend tournament, I believe it is safe to assume that both tournaments are equally well organized and run professionally.  Both HBC and Oceanside Youth Soccer Clubs have been running these tournaments for years, are well experienced, and they are both GotSoccer tournaments with GotSoccer points awarded for U12 and older.  I have never heard of a specific complaint regarding either tournament.  (Keeping in mind that every coach, player, and parent is never going to be completely happy with any tournament they take part in.)  I look forward to attending HBC and having every game I have to attend that weekend take part at fields that are within a 10 minute drive of each other, but I also hope that I receive feedback from some coaches and parents attending the Oceanside tournament as I am very interested in the experience.

Once again, I apologize that I was not able to get this post out prior to registration for the tournaments.  I plan to have a post in the next 2 weeks to preview your options for Youth Soccer Tournaments on Long Island for Columbus Weekend.  Please email me at coachmommyli@gmail.com any opinions and experiences that I can use to review this past month of soccer tournaments on Long Island.  As always, please comment below and Read it-Like It-Share It-Subscribe to It!!

Responsibility of the Player

As parents of youth soccer players, we need to take a good look at ourselves and do some self-evaluation.  After we complete our self-evaluation,  we need to then have a discussion with our youth soccer player and allow them to answer openly and honestly.  The reality of youth soccer is that sometimes the blame, yes I said blame, must lie with the players.  Listen quietly at the sidelines of most youth soccer games and you will hear a plethora of excuses and false blame for poor soccer.  Often in the cross sights are the coach, trainer, club, certain players, parents of the other team, tournament directors, hotel staff, free continental breakfast lack of Wheaties, and Aroid.  Yes, go ahead, take a moment and go back and reread the last sentence.  Isn’t everything Aroids fault? Or is it the fault of his PR people?  I digress, the first 4 or 5 of the list were legitimate and the most usual suspects taking blame on the sidelines of most youth soccer games.  (Although, honestly, everything is always Aroid’s fault.)

The truth is that we are doing our children a disservice by constantly finding someone else to blame.  Youth soccer players are not robots (oh how that would make my job as a soccer coach so much easier) and as such they have wills of their own with moods and the ability to have good games and bad games.  They can and should be held accountable for their personal role in their play on the field.  I said it last week and I will say it again, a coach and trainer (unless abusive or unreliable) should not be judged on a tournament, game, or even a season.  Soccer is a year round sport, with a minimum of team commitment through Fall and Spring season, and it can take those seasons of time and experience to start seeing a change in players.  In addition, a coach/trainer’s ability should not be judged on wins and losses.  A parent needs to evaluate the play of the individual player and team and determine if they are improving.  Sometimes, a team will improve and then gain or lose players or change their level of competition.  All of this will change the team’s ability to win and lose games, but the reality is that they may be improving exponentially as players and as a team.  It takes a knowledge of soccer and some realistic and fair reasoning to determine if your coach/trainer is effective regardless of if your child’s team is losing or winning games.  

TRUTH SPOKEN HERE-------) Regardless of how much a coach yells or screams on the sideline (or doesn’t), the lineup he puts on the field, or the time and location of our games: our girls and boys CHOSE to PLAY or NOT PLAY each weekend.   When this occurs there actually becomes nothing a coach can do to change the outcome on the field or motivate these players.  I speak this with the experience of  having seen his with my own team last weekend and having witnessed it with many other youth soccer teams throughout the years, and we will add in my years of experience of caring for kids both at home and professionally.  Youth soccer and youth soccer players lack consistency.

(Here comes the lecture- allow me to get on my soapbox.  Ahem...)  You may be rolling your eyes and wondering what the point of practices, trainings, tournaments, etc etc etc, is if I am just going to tell you it all comes down to the inconsistent behavior of our kids.  

First off:  If we do not have our young soccer players join organized sports and possibly play at a competitive level, then they will not gain knowledge of team play and the corresponding social skills.  In addition, they will not learn the soccer skill and knowledge of the game of soccer that they will need to exceed on the field when they are mentally committed to the game and playing in a manner consistent with the soccer they have been taught.

Second off:  As long as our players are properly placed in a league that allows them the appropriate level of competition to their level and they have that outlet to fail and succeed with wins and loses appropriate to their skill level, they can only benefit from failure at other venues.  In other words, repeatedly registering a D4 team in D1 will only destroy the team’s morale and have a negative impact.  Allowing them to play a season in a higher division or attend tournaments with more competitive teams is not destroying their morale, it is giving them an opportunity to be exposed to a higher level of soccer that can help them improve their game.  

Third off:  Repeatedly taking a highly skilled team to competitive tournaments where they repeatedly lose is appropriate when they are losing because of their mentality and NOT because they lack the skill to win games at the tournament. In other words, just because a team repeatedly loses at games or tournaments does not mean that they are playing at a level that is too competitive.  Teams that are playing teams that are at a comparable skill and competition level as them, but the team continues to not play well and loses at these tournaments or games must make a group decision.  Either the coach, parents, and players will decide that they prefer the trophy and bragging rights that playing at a lower level will bring or they will decide that they will take the experience that comes with the losses, put the players on notice, and continue to work hard and attend the tough competition events until the players realize they need to play the way they were taught regardless of if the win will be easy or one they need to work to win.  (Oh yes- it is fire and it is honest and it is not meant for every soccer girl or boy.  I am referring specifically to the soccer player and team that is a little older and has dedicated themselves to a competitive level of soccer that has taken some years of training and commitment.  This is for the soccer player that has soccer dreams- whether it's to be the best they can be, to play Varsity soccer, College level soccer, MLS, World Cup, or for Barcelona.  The reality of the dream does not matter, it is the existence of the dream that matters.)

What does this all mean?  To me, it means us soccer parents need to let the process work.  Our kids may have soccer dreams and we will not destroy their dreams with reality, but to us we must realize that the reality is that while our kids are playing towards their soccer dreams, we are hoping they are realizing our parent dreams of them having fun while learning about hard work, the benefits of commitment, loyalty, teamwork, respecting authority, sore winning, sore losing, good winning, and good losing.  All skills that help them on the soccer field will benefit them in being successful later in life, as long as we let them learn the lessons and not make excuses or try to soften the disappointment for them.

As always, please comment below.  Share your thoughts, agreements, disagreements, and experiences.  Read it-Like it-Subscribe to it-Share it!

A Coach's Rant: When a Loss is a Win and a Win is a Loss

Last Sunday I quit soccer.  I was hot, exhausted, frustrated, and informed my soccer partner in crime that I quit and would stay the season so not to leave the boys hanging.  Interestingly enough, I was not the only coach I saw on the field that day having a similar moment.  Within 15 minutes of my decision to hang up my coaching hat, I saw another coach throw a yelling and cursing temper tantrum and yet another one have a similar meltdown.  Yet, at the end of the day, we all remained on the sidelines with our teams and finished out the tournament.  I will even dare to assume that we will all show up at practice this week (although I can not tell a lie- today’s rain was a HUGE relief and by noon I was cancelling today’s practice.)  The point of this coaching confessional is to maybe bring some light to the stresses of the Youth Soccer Coach and to remind ourselves (especially the parents who may have never experienced what a coach experiences).  We are human and the long and hot days of summer tournaments are just as long and hot for us.  

As coaches, we are standing on the firing line and working as we coach the young soccer players and hope that they are able to take the lessons we have tried to teach at practices and put them into play on the field, when it matters.  As coaches, we are sheep herding between 12-18 young kids, dealing with referees, other coaches, scheduling and field issues AND very often having to do so without full support of the parents on the sidelines.  Be honest, as parents, our instinct is to immediately blame the coach for any list of things on game and/or tournament day. These complaints may include: lack of parking, poor scheduling, games are too early (or late), too close together or too far apart, it is too hot (substitute cold, rainy, windy etc), the competition is too hard (or easy), the fields not well maintained, food too expensive, the team is not playing well, and the referees do not know the game. Unfortunately, the magic ball I was given 8 years ago when I first volunteered as a Long Island Youth Soccer Coach never worked after the first game and I am still waiting for my replacement.  I have heard there is a 6 million year backorder at the “Magic  Soccer Ball” company that is used by all Long Island Youth soccer coaches, so until the backorder is filled, we rely on research, word of mouth, hard work, and blind luck or bad luck when choosing which tournaments to take our teams to attend.  Sometimes we get the tournament right AND our young soccer players perform well and the parents are happy, and sometimes we are struck by lightening while the tournament sucks and the kids play like we do nothing but play video games at practice.  

My son’s coach has an EXCELLENT rule, and I have tried and failed (my own fault) at implementing it with my team.  The rule is that the Coach will not discuss games or tournaments with ANYONE until 48 hours AFTER a game.  The time delay allows everyone time to refuel after the game and allows everyone time to cool any emotions and rethink any arguments, complaints, or emotional suggestions they may have.  It is not that Coaches are bad people or that parents are evil, and it is not that every team is dysfunctional.  The truth is that youth soccer is, right or wrong, emotional.  Not only is the process physical and exhausting for coaches and soccer players, but the parents also give a lot to get themselves, their player, and the rest of the family, where they need to be at the soccer fields.  In addition, most people are passionate about sports and their kids and youth soccer on Long Island combines both.  There is also a new emotion that is growing among some coaches as the climate of youth soccer on Long Island changes.  Long Island Youth Soccer has been moving away from volunteer coaches and towards paid coaches and trainers who dedicate their time and experience to the kids, but they are financially compensated for what they do.  There still exists the Volunteer Coach who does the same thing (and often more as they will also do Team Manager duties) as the Paid Coach, but the Volunteer Coach is only compensated with the happiness and gratitude of the soccer players and their parents.  So on these long and hot weekends when NO ONE is happy, volunteer coaches have very little to take away at the end of the weekend.  In fact, most will leave the fields feeling the added pressure of unhappy parents.  The epitome of “Thankless job”.

Personally, I believe that we all need to take a step back and breathe on any given day at the soccer fields.  In addition, I think that we need to view soccer and our kids as an experience of youth and not place such value on individual games, tournaments, or even seasons.  Sometimes it takes a year or more to get a team to a better place.  The key is to determine if the team is making improvements and what is the behavior and vision of the coaches.  Cut the coaches a break and just go along for the ride and if something repeatedly occurs that concerns you, then approach them on a non-game day and discuss your concerns.  Also, keep an open mind, a loss can be a win for a team just as a win can be a loss for a team.  The final score and trophy is not alway the same story,

Now, I know, I have admitted to quitting and “losing” it this weekend and now I am saying that a loss can be a win and a win can be a loss.  You must be thinking this chick is nuts!  Before you call the padded wagon and unsubscribe, let me explain.  

This past weekend, I agreed to let my team play a year up in a weaker division.  It did not appear that we fit well with the other teams in our age and would not benefit by beating up on lower division teams our age or by being beat up by the more skilled teams in our age group.  I rationalized that as many of our boys would be trying out for school ball in the next few weeks with kids in the older age group, we could actually benefit from the play time against the older teams.  Long story short, it backfired for the first 3 teams and we played HORRIBLY.  My boys were intimidated and did not perform to their personal ability.  It was to the point that I had a player leave prior to the last game and I heard whispers of forfeit for the last game.  Then it happened, what I hoped would happen.  Our last game started physical and our boys woke up.  We still lost, but they had more energy and showed more ability in that last game than they had in the prior 3 games combined.  At halftime of that last game, I asked my boys if they played soccer because they loved the game or for a trophy.  They all energetically answered that they played for the love and were anxious to get back on the field.  I believe that my boys learned a valuable life lesson this past weekend.  Although they gave up the first 3 games, by the 4th game they learned why we never give up and that the size of the other team did not have to matter.  In addition they learned to find enjoyment in playing even if they are not winning.  Would I purposely put my boys in that situation?  No.  Will I do everything to keep it from happening again? Yes.  BUT, my boys learned that not every game or tournament will be perfect, but we must still work as a team and find the fun in the game and “leave it all on the field”.  This weekend gave us a lesson in when a loss is truly a win.

On the flip side, my son’s team was dominating their bracket and winning BIG all day Saturday.  They had 1st place in a lock and played great soccer.  Then Sunday came and it all changed.  The team appeared to have no ability to put the ball in any net, almost every player was playing flat, and in the last game they began to panic and stopped playing good soccer and were not playing as a team. Thus making the hurt worse as the opposition (a younger and weaker team) took advantage.  (Yes, I sat watching on the sidelines thinking if only the parents of my team could see the younger team who had lost every game not only beat, but embarrass the team that had been in first place.)  The irony is that my son’s team was not the only team that fell apart that day and they won 2nd Place and saw the other top contender fall to 3rd as a team that did not win on Saturday took 1st Place as Tournament Champions.  In my opinion, one of the ugliest bracket wins with 3 of 4 teams having 6 points and the placement determined by “Head to Head” competition results.  The last place team lost with 3 points, and I don’t think any of the top 3 teams should be happy with their overall play for the weekend.  In all fairness, it was one of the first major tournaments in the area since last June, and we can all expect rust and the some summer time lazy.  All in all, as my son and his friends celebrated their 2nd place win, I couldn’t help but cringe as I thought about the fact that they were over celebrating bad soccer and the luck of the draw.  To me, it was a situation where a win was a loss.  The team may have won the right to say they took 2nd Place and another trophy, but they did not learn anything about good soccer that weekend and in fact were rewarded for poor play.

In my mind, this is probably my most controversial post to date and I have a voice in my head suggesting that I take another day or so to recover from the weekend before posting it.  The truth is that even if I take a day and convince myself it is a bit much to post, the truth of what I have written will not change, in my opinion.  I urge anyone who agrees or disagrees or thinks I have gone round that bend- please comment and let us get a conversation started.  I think there are many times that Coaches need to be checked, but I also think that many times parents need to take an extra moment also.  I have been on both sides of the fence and have been both right in my actions as a coach and a parent, but I have also been wrong as a coach and wrong as a parent.  I try very much to not let the opinions of unhappy parents upset me and I try very hard to not comment as a parent, but sometimes my being a human gets in the way.  Please as always- Comment-Like It-Share It-Subscribe to it!

Are You Properly Preparing Your Youth Soccer Player?

By all apparent indicators- I am failing miserably at this blog stuff.  I have not only NOT kept true to my intentions of 2 posts a week, but I also have not even posted in the last 2 weeks OR updated my Facebook and Twitter.  I can only apologize and hope that the money I have spent on a new Chrome Notebook and Blackberry will mean that my technological woes are behind me.  I am PLANNING to make Wednesday my post day and plan to do a weekend post as I attend the many tournaments in the next few weeks and then the start of our seasons.  It is my intention that the Wednesday posts will be where I include researched topics and resources, while my weekend posts will be more geared towards my thoughts and experiences with Long Island Youth Soccer that weekend.  That in itself will give me material for YEARS!  I figure, as my emotions vary each post soccer game weekends, these posts will vary from angry rants, amused observations, embarrassed apologies, to boastful gloats (just kidding- I would never gloat).  Since I have already spent too much time away from my topic tonight, let me just also state that it is not my intention to imitate any other youth soccer outlets or be something that I am not.  I do not profit from this blog and do not plan to profit from this blog.  I DO plan to use my experience here to create another blog that will be a professional blog that ties into an online “Interview Skills” course I am creating, but for the purpose of this blog for Long Island Youth Soccer, my only intent is to share my experiences, information, resources, and stories for the benefit of other youth soccer coaches, team managers, and parents.  I hope you enjoy what I have to say and share and as always encourage comments and ask that you share this site with others.  Now back to our regularly scheduled blog post...

It seems that in the last month, both of my son’s coaches and I have discussed acceptable expectations for players and parents.  In addition, I have ranted with my trainer and to some of my parents about what I should be able to expect as a coach from my players and their parents.  Recently, I received a mass email from Long Island Junior Soccer that highlighted a conversation with the Coach of the new BU 16 National Champions Smithtown Arsenal and discussed the sacrifices his players and parents made and how he felt it was the difference in his team being able to win the title.  (Are you picking up on a theme here?) YES!! The sacrifices that the Arsenal Coach attributed to his team’s win, are the SAME sacrifices that we all felt our players and parent’s need to make.  (Imagine that.)

To me, the sacrifices (personally, I think that is a strong word- I prefer common sense choices- but many would probably take offense to that) make sense and once a Coach makes the request, the parents and players who are spending their time and money to play Youth Soccer would have no problem abiding by the coach’s requests.  I am finding, unfortunately more and more, as a Youth Soccer Coach and mom, that even at a high level of soccer and travel soccer, the level of commitment varies greatly.  This is extremely frustrating to the parents, players, and coaches who are willing to make the “sacrifices”.  I will still never understand why parents would pay the money to have their child involved in “Premier” level and/or Travel youth soccer and not make the commitment of time and whatever else is expected by the coach they are trusting to coach their child.

At this point, you are either nodding your head in full agreement and muttering along with me, OR you are re-reading the post and asking yourself “What is she talking about? What sacrifices?”  So, in order that we can all be on the same page, let me back up and ask some questions for you to answer (honestly- you are in the privacy of your own space):

1.  What time prior to games does your child’s soccer coach expect you and your child to be at the field?

What time do you and your child actually arrive to the field?

Most coaches should expect their players to arrive to any playing field a minimum of 1 hour prior to game time in order to ensure time to properly prepare the team for the game.  (The Arsenal coach states that his team showed up atleast 90 minutes prior to gametime and the opposing team showed up only 45 minutes prior to the game.)

2.  When travelling (or home), what time does your coach expect your child to be in bed the night before a game? (Usually, curfew is only put in effect when travelling out of state for tournaments).

What time do you actually put your child to bed?

Personally, I LOVE when my son’s Coach gives a curfew because it makes him the bad guy when  I tell my son “Coach said...”.  I also feel this way, because I WANT my child in bed by 8 or 9 pm the night before a game.  Even the night before afternoon games because I want them up early enough to be alert for the game.  So when his teammates are hanging out in the hotel at 10:30pm and Coach has not given a curfew, I do feel like a bad guy and will often wimp out and let him hang out with the teammates for the bonding experience.  (The Arsenal coach states that his team of BU16 players willingly agreed to an 8 or 9pm curfew.)

3.  What do you feed your youth soccer player prior to a game or between games at a tournament?

This one has driven me BATTY for years.  YES,  I agree, it makes little sense why the Tournament committees have vendors who sell only fried and greasy food and candy, and offer bouncy rides and other activities to distract and exhaust our players.  Here is the thing....repeat this out loud 3 times:  “Drink this water and eat this light sandwich and fruit now and after you play hard you can get a snack and go on a ride before we go home (to hotel).”  It seems so simple and makes so much sense.  Our young soccer players and their coach have trained and practiced for months for these games and tournaments, but yet us parents who have shelled out the training money and time to go to practices and to this tournament, will torpedo ALL the work and sacrifice by allowing our kids to eat junk and run around like maniacs prior to the games (or in between games).

 We then send our players to the coach with full bellies, not properly hydrated, and exhausted from their excursions between games, and we stand on the sidelines in disbelief (and sometimes questioning the effectiveness and soccer knowledge of the coach) when the players are slow and seem “uninterested” in playing.

Any athlete should begin drinking water to hydrate the night before a game and atleast 1 hour prior to a game.  They should eat a light snack or fruit 2-3 hours prior to game time and should have adequate sleep and be woken atleast 2 hours prior to when they need to leave home or hotel.  Some of you are laughing and thinking this is extreme, but I challenge you to try it a few times and see the outcome.  How can we go wrong teaching our kids to eat healthy and get rest?

As a Youth Soccer Coach, I can go on and on and on, but I will not.  If you think I am extremist or the only soccer maniac to think this way, try printing this and showing it to your child’s soccer coach.  Ask your child’s soccer coach what they think of what I have written.  I can say with complete honesty that the same things that I shared above have been repeated by many coaches.  I often chuckle to myself and allow a small sigh of relief that it is not just “my” parents and soccer players who need the same lecture.  (Although it is even more amusing when I hear the speech given by the Coach of my son’s competition as opposed to one of their Soccer Coaches).  I found it fitting that the conversation with the Smithtown National Champion’s Coach came out as we enter our month of Youth Soccer tournaments and found it a perfect segway into this conversation.  Somewhere a Long Island Youth Soccer Coach is reading this and trying to figure out how to get their parent’s to read it without offending them.  Good luck to all of our young soccer player’s this month as we prepare for School Ball and the Fall Long Island Youth Soccer season!

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