"Coachra" v. "Momzilla"

Coachra: “THAT” coach, appears to have lost all common sense on the sidelines, yelling and out of control, argues with referees, opposing coaches, players, and parents (n. coachro (masc.)

Momzilla: “THAT” soccer mom, can be a yelling and argumentative mess on the sidelines and/or at practices/team meetings (n. Dadzillo is male counterpart)

              

  Yep! It is finally here…the much promised and anticipated “COACHRA v. MOMZILLA” (Godzilla fans anyone?).  Every soccer field has them and the majority of the time they provide great entertainment to the saner (notice the use of “saner” and not completely “sane”) youth soccer parents and coaches.  The epic battle takes place weekly and, with the right sense of humor, has us thankful our kids aren’t on “that” team.  Unfortunately, the “Momzilla”/”Coachra” disease IS contagious and spreads quickly- often creating multiple irrational “zillas” running amuck on our kids soccer fields.  My advice is if you come across a “Coachra” or “Momzilla”- RUN!!

                Fortunately, if we find the “Coachra” is on our kid’s soccer team sideline every week, we can move away at the end of the season.  If we find run across a “Coachra” on the opposing team’s sideline, we can find humor in the “Coachra’s” behavior, as long as it is not directed at our players.  There are two kinds of “Coachras”.  I know of a “Coachra” who makes regular appearances at one of my son’s games and know that he is harmless.  On our sideline we are able to laugh and joke when the “Coachra” comes out.  This “Coachra” is dramatic and passionate on the sideline, but he/she is NOT vicious or mean spirited.  When this “Coachra” appears, we throw our hands in the air and joke it is time to go to “Soccer Church”.  Another “Coachra” is, fortunately, more difficult to find, but extremely poisonous and harmful.  This “Coachra” can either spend time berating his/her own players without offering constructive coaching/criticism, repeatedly cry and complain to the referee, and in worst case situations negatively comment or try to engage opposing players.  “Coachra” can bring out the “Coachra” in the opposing coach by repeatedly accusing opposing players of “dirty” play, call opposing players names , repeated claims against the opposing team to the referee, and these actions can lead to face offs between “Coachras” on the sideline.

 A true “Coachra” is a dangerous animal.   I have seen a true “Coachra” bring out the “Coachra” in some of the best and most calm Coaches.  The danger in a Youth Soccer “Coachra” is that when he/she goes after opposing players, the opposing Coach and parent have the natural instinct to morph into a “Coachra” or “Zilla” to protect the child.  For me, the most amusing interactions of a “Coachra” is when he/she wakes the “MechaReferee” and the banter turns to calls against the “Coachra’s” team and the dangerous “yellow” and “red” weapons known on the fields as cards.

               

I have found that the most dangerous of all Youth Soccer monsters is the “Momzilla”.  A close second is the ever present and just as loud “Dadzillo”, but experience has shown while the “Dadzillo” can be loud and overbearing, he has nothing on the sneaky and vicious “Momzilla”.  “Momzilla” will cut your throat, kick you in the shin, and morph back into “mom” in the blink of an eye.  Now, we will find “Momzilla” at any game, and the truth is any Soccer Mom can have (and will have) a “Momzilla” moment.  Sometimes, “Momzilla” will surface to yell at her own child’s lack of effort or smart play on the field and this is a distraction to the player.  I am guilty of this infraction and was put in place by my little guy when he informed me at a tournament a few weeks ago “You are distracting me”.  Little sucker put me in my place and I couldn’t even say anything- he’s right. 

                The dangerous “Momzilla” is going to strike fast and hard and shows her fangs when she feels her child has been attacked.  This “Momzilla” will go after parents, opposing players, and even the “MechaReferee”.  A sharp tongue and the ability to grow a foot in all directions when provoked define the “Momzilla’s” Super Powers.  She will cut you down, put you in your place, and take a bullet (or a fist) for her soccer player.  Once a “Momzilla” has morphed to this level of “Zilla”, there is very little rationale left in her mind and she must be dealt with in a cautionary and soothing way.  Remove this “Zilla” from the situation and soothe.  **Warning:  ALL Soccer Moms are capable of momentary morph into this “Momzilla”**    This “Momzilla” is different from the more common “Momzilla” and this one should be given some slack after the fact as if we are honest, we will usually find this behavior was out of character for the offending “Momzilla” and was a response to her perceiving a severe threat to her soccer child.  This slack should not be given to the “Momzilla” who wears her fangs at every game.

               

              Lastly, we have the Coach’s nightmare “Momzilla”.  This is the “Momzilla” who, usually, does not have a realistic understanding of the game but believes that she knows more than the coach.  This “Momzilla” makes a nuisance of herself on the sidelines every week and to the coach before games, after games, and in worst case, during games.  Listening to this “Momzilla” will have the average soccer parent wondering why her child remains on the team that she vocalizes is so poorly coached.  “Momzilla” will expect the coach to play her child in the position that she wants and for the time that she feels is appropriate.  Every decision the coach makes will be questioned by “Momzilla” and usually argued.  Although “Momzilla” believes she is advocating for her child, the truth is that soccer players with this kind of “Zilla” for a mom or dad actually suffer because of their parents’ interference.  A secret I will share with you is that Coaches and trainers talk and the existence of a  “Parentzilla” is information we share with each other.   Often, regardless of a player’s skill, if their parent’s “Zilla” rating is too high, this player may lose opportunities.  This “Momzilla’s” fangs are invisible and the most damage she causes is the knife wounds in the back of the coach and other players and parents on her child’s team.

               

I have tried to make light of what is in reality a very real and most disgusting part of Youth Soccer.  Having travelled to numerous out of state competitions, I can say the epidemic is not only on Long Island.  This is not actually a good thing.  As a 13-year-old soccer player, I remember to this day a game being stopped when an opposing father and one of the 13-year-old girls on my team got into a brawl during the game.  She was a big girl and actually held her own, but the truth is she was 13 and a grown man let a Youth Soccer game get to the point that he had a physical altercation with a child and probably ended up messing up his life with criminal charges and proceedings (I hope anyway).  Fast forward 20 years and the same things go on in Youth Soccer today.  I have been at games where the police had to be called to break up conflicts between parents, coaches, and players.  In addition, I have seen kids brought to tears by the words of their parents on the sidelines and have seen coaches scream at their youth players as if they were robots.

                A few years ago, I felt that I was getting into arguments with opposing coaches almost every game.  I truly believe it had more to do with the fact that I am a woman coach and would be tested.  When I stood my ground and went toe to toe with these coaches, many could not handle that behavior from a woman.  There is often a noticeable difference in the attitudes of opposing coaches when my male trainer attends games.  I have grown as a coach and do not let the behaviors and attitudes get to me as much and have taken my personal “Coachra” down many notches.  She still exists, but does not make the appearances she used to.  In fact, some parents approached me last year and felt I had become too docile on the sidelines and they did have a point. 

It is a fine line to walk as a coach to teach, protect, and encourage our team with our words and actions on the sideline without over stepping the line into the behavior of a “Coachra”.  As I said, every coach will have a “Coachra” moment; it is to be determined how often these moments occur.  My worst “Coachra” moment was the “Diet Soda Incident”.  I became so wrapped up in an intense game that when we gave up the winning goal with barely any time left in the game I threw my bottle of “Diet Soda” I had in my hand to the ground.  Fortunately, it did not hit anyone, but unfortunately it did spray me and 2 of my players.  I was mortified and made sure to apologize to the entire team and parents after the game.  It was also an eye opener that had me reevaluate how I let the game affect me on the sidelines.  I can say I do much better, but my kryptonite (sorry I don’t have a Godzilla reference on this) is when opposing coaches speak to my players on the field in a derogatory or unkind way.  I feel that if coaches have issues with a players behavior they should address it to the player’s coach. 

               

        I told you my story about my little guy informing me that I was a distraction to him at a game, and I recently had the “Momzilla” moment of jumping up and putting some opposing parents in their place who were verbally harassing my son as he took a throw in (and I would have done it for any player on our team).  The truth is that because I am a Coach and I spend so much time watching youth soccer games, I had made a promise to myself to just sit on the sidelines and be silent.  I did not want my child or their coach to feel that I was trying to use my coaching knowledge to coach over them, and also as a coach, I know how distracting and infuriating parents on the sidelines can be.  For the MOST part I am proud to say that I do a pretty good job of keeping it quiet.  I am not perfect and have started becoming more vocal recently, but after writing this I am reaffirming my commitment to sideline silence.  (I keep saying I need to bring my IPod and headphones to the games and I just might for all of our tournaments in August.)  There have been moments when I have been embarrassed by the words and behaviors of the parents on my child’s team, and I have been disgusted by the words and behaviors of not only parents of the opposing team but also parents from nearby games that we can hear or see from our seats.  The point is: “Coachra” and “Momzilla” are running rampant at our youth soccer games and maybe by making jokes and talking about it, we can find a way to bring the fun back to the games and the focus back to the kids.  I also believe that if I follow the rainbow, I will find gold. 

                Do you know a “Coachra” or have a good “Momzilla” (or “Dadzillo”) story?  Care to share your embarrassing sideline moment?  Please read it-comment-like it-share it-subscribe to it!